How to Legally and Sensitively Remove a Friend or Relative From Your Home

Living with friends or family can start out as a temporary, helpful situation but often turns sour over time. When this happens, it's important to know your rights and options for removing someone from your home in a lawful and ethical manner. This guide will provide tips on setting boundaries, utilizing mediation, following proper procedures, coping with fallout, and more.

Setting Clear Expectations From the Start

If someone needs a place to stay for a short time, be very clear about parameters upfront to avoid misunderstandings. Discuss:

How long they can stay
Financial contributions expected
Household responsibilities
Other rules and boundaries

Put this in writing if needed. Being vague early on often leads to problems down the road when it comes time to ask them to leave.

Having a Frank Discussion

When issues arise, have an open and honest dialogue about grievances. Use "I feel" statements to express your needs diplomatically. Listen to their perspective as well. See if compromises can be made to improve the situation before asking them to vacate.

If real change doesn't happen after the talk, then make your expectations very clear about the need to move out soon and offer a reasonable timeline. Explain how living together is no longer working out. Be compassionate but firm regarding your decision.

Getting Them to Leave Voluntarily

Here are tips if they are reluctant to leave voluntarily:

Set a Departure Deadline

Give them 30 days written notice to vacate and set a fixed move out date. Offer to help them find other accommodations.

Restrict Access Gradually

Take back house keys. Change wifi passwords. Rekey locks as a last resort. Actions like this demonstrate your seriousness without immediately forcing them out.

Withhold Support

Don't provide free housing, food, amenities if they overstay their welcome. This may motivate them to get back on their own feet sooner.

Offer Financial Assistance

If money's tight for them, provide a small amount to help pay first month's rent somewhere else. This is often cheaper than a lengthy formal eviction.

Using Mediation Services

If they still won't budge after repeated requests, suggest mediation first before pursuing legal action. A neutral third party can help you communicate needs, find solutions, and reach a compromise. Many community mediation centers offer low-cost services.

Benefits of mediation:

Improves communication between parties
Allows both sides to be heard
Surfaces core issues causing impasse
Explores win-win scenarios agreeable to all
Avoids expensive legal processes if successful

Even if mediation fails, at least you can say you tried this avenue before escalating further.

Calling In Law Enforcement

If the unwanted house guest becomes threatening or violent, don't hesitate to call the police. Law enforcement can remove trespassers who refuse to leave when told.

Be sure to:

Give them advance notice to vacate
Ask them to leave in front of police
Explain it's your residence and they no longer have permission to be there
Show proof of ownership/lease to officers if needed

The police may just issue a warning if the person agrees to leave immediately. But they can arrest them for trespassing if they resist. Their personal items can also be removed.

Understanding Tenant Rights

If the overstaying guest has been living there long enough to establish residency (typically 30+ days), they may have legal tenant rights you must honor. This affects how you can remove them.

Key tenant rights include:

Receiving proper written notice before eviction (30-90 days typically)
Ability to dispute eviction in court
Not resorting to illegal lockouts or utility shutoffs
Avoiding harassment tactics to drive them out

Review your state's landlord-tenant laws to ensure full compliance when they refuse to leave voluntarily.

Going Through Formal Eviction

If you’ve given proper notice but they still won't vacate, you may have to file for a formal eviction with the courts. Here's a summary of the process:

1. Serve Eviction Notice

You must formally serve them written notice of your intent to evict. Reasons can include non-payment, lease violations, or ending of tenancy period.

2. File Eviction Lawsuit

If they don't leave after your notice expires, submit eviction paperwork with your local courthouse. Pay required court fees.

3. Attend Court Hearing

A judge will hear arguments from both sides at the hearing and issue a judgment on the eviction.

4. Receive Writ of Possession

If ruled in your favor, the court will order a writ authorizing the sheriff to forcibly remove them if needed.

5. Schedule Move Out Date

The sheriff will coordinate a lockout date when they must vacate or be removed. Their property can also be seized.

6. Regain Possession of Property

Once executed, the writ gives you back full possession of your home. Change the locks immediately.

This legal process takes 1-2 months on average. It's not fast, but following proper protocol avoids illegal missteps.

Using Restraining Orders

If the person is harassing you or making threats, a restraining order may help establish distance and safety. These court orders typically:

Prohibit contact or communication
Restrict them from being near your home/workplace
Last up to 3 years initially
Allow arrest if violated

Restraining orders provide legal documentation in case more intervention is ever needed to remove the problem individual in the future.

Ensuring a Smooth Transition

Giving them adequate time to make arrangements, pack up, and say goodbye to others can help reduce drama when they move out.

Also offer to schedule a civil standby where law enforcement oversees their departure and retrieval of belongings. This prevents potential disputes or accusations.

Getting their new address can also help divert mail and forward any personal items found later. Eliminate reminders of their presence to help everyone move on.

Coping With Damaged Relationships

Kicking someone out, even when justified, can fracture your bond long term. Expect mixed emotions afterwards. Here are healthy ways to process it all:

Let go of resentment through journaling, exercise, mindfulness, etc.
Talk it over with trusted confidants for feedback.
Forgive them and yourself if reasonable.
Reflect on lessons learned for future relationships.
Prioritize self-care and tap into your support system.
Consider reconciliation once cooler heads prevail.

With empathy, patience and diplomacy, removing problematic house guests doesn't have to be a dramatic ordeal. In most cases, they just need compassion along with firm guidance to get back on track independently.

The Takeaway

Living together often starts smoothly but can get messy fast. Set clear boundaries early when offering someone temporary residence. If issues arise later, communicate needs calmly yet firmly. Reasonable notice and assistance can then motivate them to leave voluntarily. However, be ready to take legal action if they refuse to vacate amicably and understand proper protocols. Remove them responsibly, but also seek to repair damaged relationships once the dust settles. With some finesse, you can eliminate a difficult living situation without burning bridges long-term.

Frequently Asked Questions

Having to remove someone from your home can be messy and confusing. Here are answers to some common questions that come up:

How much notice do I legally need to give?

If they are a tenant with residency rights, you must provide written notice of 30-90 days typically, depending on your state laws. Give only reasonable notice (30 days max) if they are just a house guest without a lease.

What if they won’t leave after I give notice?

You can file for a formal eviction with your local courthouse after the notice period expires. A sheriff will then schedule a lockout date and remove them if necessary.

Do I need a reason to kick them out?

For tenants, you need valid grounds like non-payment or lease violations. For house guests, no justification is legally required - you can simply ask them to leave because it’s your residence.

Can I change the locks or shut off utilities to force them out?

No, these "self-help" methods are illegal. You must go through proper eviction channels. Restrict access gradually only after giving written notice first.

What if they threaten me or make me feel unsafe?

Call the police immediately if it escalates this severely. You can also petition the court for restraining orders to keep them away from you and your home.

What if they damage my property on the way out?

Take photos and videos documenting any vandalism or theft. Then sue in small claims court to recover damages after they leave.

Should I feel guilty about kicking them out?

Don’t feel guilty about asserting your needs politely but firmly. Just be sure you have valid reasons and follow lawful procedures.

What’s the fastest way to get them to leave voluntarily?

Stop providing free room and board. Set a deadline and offer cash incentives to help them relocate sooner rather than later.

How can I avoid hurt feelings and conflict?

Have an open and honest dialogue about issues first. Offer help finding new accommodations. Use mediation if needed. Allow civil standbys for smooth departures.

What if I can’t afford the eviction process right now?

Explore low-cost legal aid resources in your area if money is an obstacle. You can also see if they'd be open to signing a "cash for keys" deal to leave willingly.

How can I prevent this problem in the future?

Set firm ground rules upfront if someone needs to crash temporarily. Outline expectations for the duration of stay, financial contributions, responsibilities and more.

Asking someone to move out is never fun or easy, even when it's necessary. Having clear legal knowledge, using effective communication tactics and tapping into resources can make the process go much more smoothly for all. With some compassion and preparation, you can part ways in the best way possible.