The Illusion of Closure: Why Experts Claim It Isn't Real

The Illusion of Closure: Why Experts Claim It Isn't Real

The idea of finding closure after a traumatic event or ending is deeply ingrained in our culture. We're often told we need closure to heal and move on. But is closure just a myth? Experts say the notion can do more harm than good.

Understanding the Concept of Closure

Closure originates from Gestalt psychology, which studies how our minds perceive incomplete images or experiences. The principle of closure describes our tendency to see incomplete patterns as complete. For example, we can recognize a triangle even if parts of it are missing.

This concept was extended to suggest that people need a sense of completeness after trauma to move on. The idea is that closing the door on the past brings emotional resolution. But psychologists today challenge this belief. They argue that closure is elusive at best or even impossible for many.

The Origins and History of Closure

The principle of closure emerged in Gestalt psychology in the early 1900s. Gestalt theorists proposed that the mind seeks order, organization, and completeness. This extends to perception; we fill in gaps to create cohesive wholes [1].

Gestalt therapy later applied this concept to psychology and emotion. Therapists aimed to help patients gain closure by completing "unfinished business." Patients acted out dialogues or wrote letters to achieve resolution [2].

However, modern psychologists criticize these ideas. They argue closure reflects wishful thinking more than reality, especially after crises. Though closure serves our visual perception, assuming it resolves emotional trauma may be misguided [3].

The Pop Culture Perpetuation of Closure

The notion of closure permeates pop psychology and media. Self-help books promote closure as critical for moving on after loss. Romantic comedies depict characters finding closure to get over breakups. Crime shows present victims gaining closure by confronting perpetrators.

This perpetuates closure myths. Fictional depictions make emotional resolution seem simpler than real life. Portrayals of closure may resonate but rarely reflect reality. Real loss leaves no complete narrative [4,5].

Why Closure Can Be Counterproductive

Though closure is comforting, experts caution against forcing it. Here's why closure is often misguided after crises:

Emotional Healing is an Ongoing Process, Not a Final Destination

Psychologists differentiate closure from emotional healing and growth. Healing involves gradually processing and integrating experiences, not definitively closing them [6].

Rather than seek closure, it may help to accept difficult experiences as part of life's ongoing journey. This allows us to learn from the past without trying to seal it off.

Forcing Closure Can Suppress Healthy Emotional Expression

Pressuring closure can inhibit necessary emotional expression. Allowing ourselves to feel — even repeatedly mourn — helps us integrate experiences. Prematurely forcing resolution risks denying natural grief processes [7].

Closure narratives suggest grieving should progress linearly through set stages. But psychologists emphasize grieving differs for everyone. There are no rules for when people “should” achieve closure [8].

Closure Implies False Resolution of the Irresolvable

Closure suggests wrapping up loose ends. But not all ends can be neatly tied up, especially after trauma. Seeking closure where it’s impossible can lead to frustration and a false sense of failure [9].

Rather than futilely try to close the uncloseable, people can focus on reconciling themselves to realities. Though tragedy will never make sense, people can still integrate experiences and find growth.

External Closure Often Substitutes for Inner Work

People may seek closure through external actions like funerals, trials, or confrontations. But inner exploration is also essential for processing trauma. Outward acts alone rarely lead to emotional resolution [10].

True healing requires introspection: making meaning, realigning perspectives, and reforming self-narratives. External closures can support this but are no substitute.

Healthier Alternatives to Closure

Though closure is elusive for many, people can still process events in ways that help them heal. Here are some alternatives:

Prioritize Emotional Work Over Closure

Rather than strive for closure, prioritize inner exploration, expression, and integration. Be patient through emotional ups and downs. Focus more on healing than definitive resolution.

Embrace Ongoing Meaning-Making

Accept you may reinterpret events at different life stages. Let your understanding evolve naturally vs. forcing fixed meaning. Continually making meaning can help you process experiences without seeking closure.

Find Acceptance and Growth Rather Than Resolution

Try to accept what can't be changed. Seek growth from difficulties vs. resolution. Ask: how can this deepen my perspective? How can I grow positively? This can help you integrate experiences without expecting complete closure.

Honor Relationships and Memories

After losing loved ones, resist pressure to sever bonds. Leave room to honor enduring connections through memory. Appreciate important relationships, even absent closure.

Processing Past Relationships Without Closure

People often seek closure after breakups or failed connections. But relationship experts caution against forcing firm endings. Here's how to healthily process these bonds without closure:

Reflect on the Relationship's Meaning

Consider writing about positive and negative aspects, what you learned, and ideals for the future. Reflect on the relationship's role in your life without judging it a closed chapter.

Employ Therapeutic Techniques Like Journaling

Journal about complex thoughts and feelings over time. Try techniques like empty chair dialogues. These can help you process emotions without cutting them off.

Avoid Pressuring Yourself or Partners

Don't impose expectations to sever ties completely. Respect your own and your ex's pace for moving forward while treasuring the past.

Embrace Contradictions

Accept messy, contradictory emotions like missing someone while being ready to move on. Allow yourself to feel conflicted rather than forcing resolution.

Adopt a Growth Mindset

Try to frame the relationship as enriching your life and growth. Appreciate its role in shaping you while being open to the future.

Conclusion

The notion of closure is alluring but deceptive. While it promises definitive resolution, emotional healing is ongoing. Forcing closure can inhibit natural processing and growth. Rather than seeking elusive closure, we can focus on inner exploration, meaning-making, and acceptance. This allows us to healthily integrate experiences into our journeys, even if they can never be completely closed off or resolved.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are some healthy ways to process grief without closure?

Some healthy alternatives include focusing on inner emotional work, embracing ongoing meaning-making, finding acceptance and growth, and honoring relationships and memories. Prioritize self-reflection, expression, and integration of experiences. Avoid expecting definitive resolution or severing important bonds.

Why can closure be counterproductive when grieving?

Seeking closure can pressure grieving individuals to feel resolved before they’re ready. This can inhibit natural emotional processes necessary for healing. Closure also suggests false resolution of the irresolvable. Forcing closure risks denying ourselves needed opportunities to mourn and make meaning from losses.

How can journaling help process emotions without closure?

Journaling allows us to explore complex thoughts and feelings over time without expecting artificial endpoints. Recording emotions as they arise and evolve can facilitate inner work without imposing pressure for resolution. Journaling helps us integrate experiences into personal narratives as ongoing processes rather than closed chapters.

What should you avoid when seeking closure in relationships?

Avoid severing connections before you’re ready. Don’t pressure yourself or partners to achieve definitive resolution. Resist simplistic judgments of relationships as good or bad. Accept contradictory feelings and respect individual paces for processing. Forcing closure often denies relationships' nuances and role in personal growth.

Why does closure remain elusive after crises?

Experiencing closure implies complete comprehension, resolution, and control over situational meaning. But tragic events often defy full understanding or tidy resolution. Their meaning continues unfolding throughout life. We ultimately have limited control over integrating experiences. Accepting lack of closure allows more space for the ongoing meaning-making vital for processing crises.